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Long Heck Update

So. As you may have surmised, I am still alive and well.

Thank you kc724 who wrote a comment, which prompted the hubs to say - hey, someone commented on your journal! (because, you know, I never really read my email, so I didn't see the notification, yadda yadda). This then prompted me to actually look at my journal, and marvel at how pissed off I was at my MIL like 8 months ago. :D

So, what's been happening. Let's see.

In all honesty, not too much. I'm still working in child welfare, still working way too much, but I did go on vacation for 3.5 weeks in March/April to Asia. It was quite nice, and I got to catch up with my friends and relatives who I hadn't seen in a while. The weather was fantastic compared to Canada - a balmy mid 20s in Hong Kong, compared to snow in Toronto. I ate a lot of food and walked a lot. I bought some stuff. The hubs bought so much stuff we had to find another suitcase to cart it all back to Canada. Good times. :D

Most of what's been going on lately has been work drama - which, I guess.. is always the case with me. Woohoo? I will put it under a cut so it's not like BAM!!! in your face.

The biggest deal at work right now is my Supervisor situation. In late December, my team and I filed a formal complaint about the supervising abilities of my Supervisor, who we will refer to as Main Boss (MB). Concerns were pretty serious, most of it regarding that fact that MB could never be found, would not usually come to work, and would disappear for days at a time. Assuming you found MB, MB was not normally able to give you a concise answer about what to do. It would change, day by day, and you were constantly questioning what was actually happening. After a while of this, it meant that we usually had no one to ask for help/support, and usually relied on the back-up Supervisors instead. This didn't really work well, either for us or the other Supervisors. So at the end of this complaint process, we were told that MB would be going on a leave while the company tried to figure out what to do.

Fast forward several weeks later, and we were given a New Boss (NB). We were told that NB would be with us for 6 weeks, in which time, MB would be coming back from leave. NB ended up staying on for close to 6 months instead of 6 weeks.. and it was great. We could always find NB, NB never randomly disappeared, and NB really helped manage our stress level.

An analogy that really helps explain the situation can be found in a simple parenting example.

Let's say that I am the child, and MB is the parent. When a child presents a certain way, a parent mirrors the child's reaction - hence why people like to say parenting is an art, and you need to adjust the formula for every child.

Say I'm feeling anxious because of whatever reason. I go to MB, because I want MB to address my anxiety, calm me down, tell me how to deal with it. Instead, when I go to MB, I get told that I'm not really anxious, that I have no right to be anxious, because what the hell's wrong with me? Or, MB might randomly be a little supportive, but then will do something that completely doesn't match. Like saying they will be there, yet you can't locate them. So in other words, MB is alternately dismissive and inconsistent most of the time. Due to this, my anxiety levels go up, because my "parent" is not addressing my concerns. At some point, I reach a stage where I realize, hey, I don't feel better by going to MB.. so why go at all? I should just stick to myself and tough it out, because I get no help from her.

This is basically what my team and I struggled with for a year with MB. It was just.. awful. There's no other way to describe it. You're constantly in a state of stress, anxiety coupled with having no idea what you're doing, if you're doing it right, or what's really happening. Morale was low, everyone was stressed out and consistently confused about what was happening. So you can imagine how nice it was when NB addressed our anxiety, helped us work through it and see what needed to be done. It was.. awesome. Suddenly I'm not having a panic attack every day about what to do!

Of course, good things never last. We found out last week that MB will be coming back from leave and returning to the team. No explanation was given, no details were provided if MB would be receiving any additional training to learn what a Supervisor is actually supposed to be doing. Instead, we're getting set-up with "counseling" to talk about our feelings. Wewt.

So I'm basically experiencing a slight sense of dread, as I count down to when MB returns. I'm scared out of my mind. My work is stressful enough as it is without MB adding to it, and I know that MB will increase my stress. It doesn't help that MB consistently micro-manages about the most pointless things, and yet will not follow through with much more important items. The thought that MB won't have my back for any of my cases scares the crap out of me (because it's only happened several times before). I'm so paranoid about MB's return, I don't really know what else to say about it.

Good times. :)

Aside from work drama, I'm just really tired of still being in a contract position. I'd like a permanant position at some point in my life you know. :/ - I think I really need to give myself a deadline to adhere to, and if I don't get the job by then I need to go elsewhere. We'll see.